Last month, I attended an NCS (New Canaan Society) retreat in Orlando, and it was an amazing and rich experience. First off, I got my first private jet ride; we went from Winston-Salem to Orlando within record flying time! Second, we got to hear from former NFL quarterback Jeff Kemp, who was the keynote speaker. As a bonus, I saw and reconnected with several New Jersey brothers I had not seen in years. Most of them had moved to Florida to enjoy the warmer climate and escape those rising taxes in New Jersey. (While the grass is most likely greener there in the winter, you have to wonder what happens during the summer with all that heat!) But back to the retreat. Jeff spoke primarily about developing Level 5 friendships. Read his Levels of Friendship list and determine where your friendships fall:
Level 1 – Acquaintance—you’ve met this person but may not remember their name. Level 2 – Casual friendship—you act friendly, barely connect, and speak about the usual “surface stuff.” Level 3 – Good friendship—you’re close enough to joke around and open up a bit. There's some trust … and some caution. They know about you, but nothing very deep or private. Level 4 – Strong friendship—you trust each other and will talk about meaningful parts of your life. You’re open and honest, but not completely. Level 5 – Deep friendship—you’ve added a purposeful commitment to meet and consistently connect. You disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable, and pull each other closer to Jesus and our Abba Father.
Where are your friendships on this continuum? Nearly all of us have friendships in levels 1 through 3, but most people don’t have friends at levels 4 or 5. According to research, pastors have it the worst; most have trouble trusting and are lonely, having no deep friendships. One way to create Level 5 friendships is through a Friendship Huddle (Jeff’s football analogy). However, developing a Level 5 friendship requires that we learn to love effectively. Loving effectively entails:
Awareness—sharing your story (formative years, successes, failures, redemption)
Understanding—listening with empathy to understand intentions and desires
Acceptance—allowing them into your circle of friendship
Affirmation—encouraging them with what God has to say about them, using Scripture and prayer
Love effectively by loving people for who they are, not for who you want them to be!
Level 5 friendship is true discipleship; it is investing in another person, helping them become more like Christ. Consider using the SDI 2.0 tool. This is a great discipleship resource that provides objective data and allows us to notice things about ourselves that we haven’t seen before (our Motivational Value System, Conflict Sequence, Strengths, and Overdone Strengths which are conflict triggers for others). SDI, when coupled with the book Three Passions of the Soul, is a powerful tool that offers surprising insights related to emotional and relational intelligence, spiritual growth, and soul formation.
Yeathus Johnson Senior Director of Partnerships
Upcoming Events
SDI 2.0 Certification Course [Virtual] June 24–26, 1:00–5:00 PM (EDT)
